Body Art

When I was 18, I got a tattoo at Miami Beach on my back shoulder. It was a custom ankh and I enjoyed it for a time. When I was 28, I had it touched up and turned it into an eye. The cover-up was OK, but in the end, it wasn't very successful in creating a good looking tattoo.

Here I am at 37 thinking about it again. I have two main goals:

1. I want to like how it looks
2. I don't want to revisit this in another 10 years, or at all

At first, I thought I needed to have it lightened or removed in order for anyone to be able to work with the black blob. But, I heard it was expensive, painful and not guaranteed. So, we looked into other options.

Yvonne gave me a present to readdress the tattoo on my birthday, as well as Christmas. With that, we had a certain budget and scope in mind.

She also found me an artist through a friend of hers and scheduled the first appointment for me. I think since Christmas, I've seen the artist about three times. through the process, I figured out I like the cycle of life. I want to honor the dead and being alive.

The third meeting with the artist was last night. It was somewhat discouraging. Basically, after drawing and trying to make it work for a couple hours, they told me in order to like it I have to embrace it. I have to give more real estate on my back, most likely across both shoulders. Oh, and scrap my idea and go with something different, like an animal (I'm not entirely against the animal idea, it's just a lot to think about). So, from a small tattoo on one shoulder to a full spread across both. Is that who I am?

With that change in plans, we are also looking at about twice the cost and scope we had in mind. My guess is it's comparable to a removal cost, if not more.

Frankly, I'm not sure I'm cool enough to go the distance. I'm overweight with a graying beard and entering middle age. I have a corporate job and two kids. I'm imagining taking them to the pool in the summertime. An experience I'm already self conscious about with the piddly tattoo I have now.

Then again, maybe it's just the empowerment I need to fully enjoy it.

And that's my dilemma. Do I want to go for it and have a big, pretty tattoo across my back? Or, I could live with a scar from the removal and walk away. Or I could do nothing and chalk it up to lesson learned/more proof Nate was a dumb ass as a kid.